Most of the time Dad thinks he is either in the Farmington house with mom, with his sister Mary, or at the Re-Habilitation Center. He has know idea that he is ever at home. 99% of the time he doesn't even know who Joyce is. She is a very strong person and I don't know how she deals with that.
He is still under the impression that the neighbors are out to get him. To kill him by shooting or by hanging him, via the notes that the neighbors leave on the door or their personal threats to him. He searches the floor for snakes, he chases Elks out of the house (which he forgets he is at home) and he, quite frankly just wishes that this would all be done and over with so that he can go home and be with his parents (who by the way, died over 40 years ago) brothers, etc...
Dad is so done and just wants to be at rest. (Which Joyce and Dad told me tonite). Personally, can you blame him? I would rather be at rest. This test of life quite frankly stinks!! I feel guilty because I promised him, when I visited for Thanksgiving that I would call him every other week; and this is the first time that I had the heart to finally call. It is just too hard to hear him go in and out of reality, that I just can't bear it. It makes me cry so hard.
I know that I need to come out again to see him.. most likely this summer. I just hope that, that's not too late. (and I will need a place to stay, that we can bring my Emily, without being around another dog. Can't leave her alone, she is already too sad being alone.) I beg you all, to visit him more often, enjoy him and his crazy stories before it's too late. As Joyce said, all you can do is laugh. That is the only way to be able to deal with it. I can honestly tell you, that if I was at home in Utah, I wouldn't let this precious time go by. As hard as it is.
It is moments like these that I wish I had stayed home and never moved so far away. Time with family is just too precious. As some of you know with Craig's passing. We all get so involved with the craziness or our lives that we forget! I so have missed seeing you all grow up, getting to know your kids, etc... thats why I am so thankful for this blog thing. Even though I am so far away, its nice to know whats going on in everyone's lives. It makes me feel as though I am not so far away.
For those of you so close or able to visit Dad/Grandpa.. please do so for me. All the moments that he does realize reality, who he is talking to him, who he is with, are precious to him. It does make him very happy. I hear it in his voice!!! Maybe I hear it more because I am not able to be there as often. Don't let this personal time pass away until its too late..
I love you so much Dad.! In some sort or wierd way, I hate to see Dad this way. As much as I don't want Dad to go, he is ready and I know it would be better for him. None of us want anyone in our family to suffer, go crazy, or be in pain. As much as it hurts. He lost his parents over 40 years ago. I know that Dad is so much wanting to be with them again.
I wish that I could be there to see that joyful reunion!! Hell!!! I can't wait until we are all re-unionized.. Is that the right word?
I still have the train that his father gave me. (Picture of it to the left) I barely remember Grandpa and Grandma, but that train engine means the world to me. Why? Because it is a part of my fathers life.. The colors of the train is way more toned down. Green in color. It is pretty cool considering that it is over 50 years old. The train rolls across the floor with train sounds, wheels turn simultaneoulsy, it blows steam, and the lights all light up. Pretty impressive as far as toys back then. And it still works!!!!
I begged my Dad to find that train. I never forgot that it existed and that it was given to me by his father; Leslie Wassom (born in 1883 by the way, his mother.. Loenza in 1895). I was roughly 5 years old, and his parents were already, 82 and 76 years old. My grandfather on my Dad's side was born 127 years ago!!!.. How crazy is that? Is that for real? I am so realizing a lot of things right now!!
Dad claimed the train was lost. I was so sad and a little PO'd. Then out of the blue a couple of Xmas' ago Dad sent me the train, including all my Webelos, Cub Scout Badges and my 3rd place Pinewood Derby car and trophy that we built together all at one time. That was the best gift. Same year mom sent me a scrapbook of pictures of myself. Best XMas presents I ever received. Funny thing it was the same XMas.. It was meant to be.
Please don't let this time skip away.. be with him, he mostly remembers all the old times.. Farmington, the grandchildren, Garland, Tremonton, the mud slide.. all the good things when we were all together. Let him live that all over again, while he is still here to enjoy it...!!!!