Most of the time Dad thinks he is either in the Farmington house with mom, with his sister Mary, or at the Re-Habilitation Center. He has know idea that he is ever at home. 99% of the time he doesn't even know who Joyce is. She is a very strong person and I don't know how she deals with that.
He is still under the impression that the neighbors are out to get him. To kill him by shooting or by hanging him, via the notes that the neighbors leave on the door or their personal threats to him. He searches the floor for snakes, he chases Elks out of the house (which he forgets he is at home) and he, quite frankly just wishes that this would all be done and over with so that he can go home and be with his parents (who by the way, died over 40 years ago) brothers, etc...
Dad is so done and just wants to be at rest. (Which Joyce and Dad told me tonite). Personally, can you blame him? I would rather be at rest. This test of life quite frankly stinks!! I feel guilty because I promised him, when I visited for Thanksgiving that I would call him every other week; and this is the first time that I had the heart to finally call. It is just too hard to hear him go in and out of reality, that I just can't bear it. It makes me cry so hard.
I know that I need to come out again to see him.. most likely this summer. I just hope that, that's not too late. (and I will need a place to stay, that we can bring my Emily, without being around another dog. Can't leave her alone, she is already too sad being alone.) I beg you all, to visit him more often, enjoy him and his crazy stories before it's too late. As Joyce said, all you can do is laugh. That is the only way to be able to deal with it. I can honestly tell you, that if I was at home in Utah, I wouldn't let this precious time go by. As hard as it is.
It is moments like these that I wish I had stayed home and never moved so far away. Time with family is just too precious. As some of you know with Craig's passing. We all get so involved with the craziness or our lives that we forget! I so have missed seeing you all grow up, getting to know your kids, etc... thats why I am so thankful for this blog thing. Even though I am so far away, its nice to know whats going on in everyone's lives. It makes me feel as though I am not so far away.
For those of you so close or able to visit Dad/Grandpa.. please do so for me. All the moments that he does realize reality, who he is talking to him, who he is with, are precious to him. It does make him very happy. I hear it in his voice!!! Maybe I hear it more because I am not able to be there as often. Don't let this personal time pass away until its too late..
I love you so much Dad.! In some sort or wierd way, I hate to see Dad this way. As much as I don't want Dad to go, he is ready and I know it would be better for him. None of us want anyone in our family to suffer, go crazy, or be in pain. As much as it hurts. He lost his parents over 40 years ago. I know that Dad is so much wanting to be with them again.
I wish that I could be there to see that joyful reunion!! Hell!!! I can't wait until we are all re-unionized.. Is that the right word?
I still have the train that his father gave me. (Picture of it to the left) I barely remember Grandpa and Grandma, but that train engine means the world to me. Why? Because it is a part of my fathers life.. The colors of the train is way more toned down. Green in color. It is pretty cool considering that it is over 50 years old. The train rolls across the floor with train sounds, wheels turn simultaneoulsy, it blows steam, and the lights all light up. Pretty impressive as far as toys back then. And it still works!!!!
I begged my Dad to find that train. I never forgot that it existed and that it was given to me by his father; Leslie Wassom (born in 1883 by the way, his mother.. Loenza in 1895). I was roughly 5 years old, and his parents were already, 82 and 76 years old. My grandfather on my Dad's side was born 127 years ago!!!.. How crazy is that? Is that for real? I am so realizing a lot of things right now!!
Dad claimed the train was lost. I was so sad and a little PO'd. Then out of the blue a couple of Xmas' ago Dad sent me the train, including all my Webelos, Cub Scout Badges and my 3rd place Pinewood Derby car and trophy that we built together all at one time. That was the best gift. Same year mom sent me a scrapbook of pictures of myself. Best XMas presents I ever received. Funny thing it was the same XMas.. It was meant to be.
Please don't let this time skip away.. be with him, he mostly remembers all the old times.. Farmington, the grandchildren, Garland, Tremonton, the mud slide.. all the good things when we were all together. Let him live that all over again, while he is still here to enjoy it...!!!!
9 comments:
There are so many wonderful memories that I have of Grandpa. I remember he used to bring us these big delicious frosted sugar cookies and it was the highlight of the day! It seemed like hed did it once a week for awhile but as a kid time didn't really mean much so I could be totally wrong.
Remember that mini rocking chair he used to have? And trying to decide who would ask him if we could play in the back of his truck! He never said no so I don't know why we always worried about it.
But the best was his telescope, I wanted it so bad.... and then one birthday I got one!! It was the coolest present ever.
It is so hard seeing loved ones deteriorate like this, Joyce is an amazing wife and an amazing woman. How lucky we are that he is cared for by someone with so much love and patience.
I had no idea that train was still around. I remember it, too. I'm glad to know that it is alive and well and that you have it.
You must have gotten way more conversation out of him than I got last time. I did not know about the elk. I did hear about the snakes. And, he seems to have two more houses. No one is sure where they came from or where they are, but he wanted to know if I had seen them. I will assume they are the Farmington house and the care center.
Joyce told me that dad saw grandpa Wassom a while back. He came in through the wall. Dad got up to get a blanket for him and when Joyce asked him where he was going, he told her to get a blanket for his dad. She told him that his dad had been gone for years, and dad said "well he just came in right through there, and he is cold so I am getting him a blanket." I'm pretty sure he was probably there. One man's hallucination may just be the next guy's reality.
As crazy as it is, I love visiting with Dad right now. It is sad when you seriously think about it, but it is definitely entertaining. I just wish I lived a little closer. I know I'm only an hour a way, but when you work as many hours as I have to and have 3 kids at home, it isn't easy going somewhere an hour away, because you can't just turn around and come right back, you have to spend a little time while you are there. I keep waiting for a Sunday when Brittni isn't working so she can go too. She had fun with the little boys the last time we were there. We have two Sundays coming up where we don't have regular church meetings so for sure I will get up there on one of those.
I don't know what we would do if we didn't have Joyce. She is such a blessing and has definitely earned herself a ticket to heaven with everything she has been through and will yet go through.
What an awesome gift to get the train and all that stuff. That is the kind of thing you will remember forever. Just enjoy the time you have and make sure you tell him everything you want him to hear. I think you still have lots of time with him.
We visited Dad and Joyce on Valentines day. He seemed pretty with it until he told me not to move, my back was to the frige and there was something on the frige. Then he told me to turn around slowly. I did so and told him I couldn't see anything. He told me I moved too fast and scared it away.
For the most part he visited just fine and then he be staring into space and telling someone thay they weren't welcome here, just go home.
I do feel bad for him and I would love to do something really nice for Joyce for her birthday if any one has an idea. Dan suggested Staying with dad and sending her to a spa for the day but I don't think that is her thing or that she would do it.
Thanks for the update. Love to you all.
I visited Grandpa last weekend and he wasn't very talkative. My favorite part of the visit was when Joyce was trying to get him to sit down and he asked why he should do that. She said that he needed to sit down so he could visit with us. He got a look of disbelief on his face and replied, "Visiting!?" as if it were the most absurd suggestion anyone had ever given him. Other than that he didn't really have much to say, but it was nice to see him.
I'm all in on doing something for Joyce's birthday, but I agree that the spa is probably not her idea of a great time. You never know though. She might enjoy just a manicure or a facial or something like that. Maybe we could ask Danielle.
Well, I am sorry that your dad is going thru such a terrible time. I know that people who have a mental disorder, live in the past. And that must be difficult for Joyce. I have a suggestion for Joyce. Why don't you get Joyce and Danielle a ticket to a play somewhere in town. They would love that. They have gone down to the Shakespearean Playhouse in Cedar City for several years and just loved it. Just a suggestion.
I was also going to suggest a movie or something like that for Joyce and Danielle to do together. A play would probably be even better. They love that stuff and I'm sure its been a long time since they have done anything like that. I can make myself available as a "dad-sitter" as long as I don't have to do it alone.
Post a Comment